Incredible Bank Robbery by Gang of 3-Year-Olds Leaves 34 Dead
[FROM THE FICTIONAL ARCHIVES — January 26, 2003]
An astonishing bank robbery in October has left 34 people dead and millions of dollars stolen. The culprit? A gang of 2 and 3-year-old children, notoriously known as The Lions. The gang initiated the robbery in broad daylight this morning and police were able to apprehend the children after a 3-month-long search, putting an end to their long history of juvenile criminality.
The Toddler Robbers
The Lions are a gang consisting of 4 toddlers between the ages of 2 to 3. The ringleader of the group is 3-year-old Jerome Rafael Wilkerson, who founded the group at his daycare facility after a nearby teenager threw a stick in his eye, and he wanted revenge.
He rounded up three other toddlers; Marvin Marco Maxwell, 2, Rex Dean Harper, 3, and Albert Ray Ortiz, 3.
Their first big break was ambushing the teenager at his local high school with BB-guns stolen from the local Target. They fired a total of 500 BBs at the teen, leaving him with intense bleeding, a loose eye, and serious abdominal pain. The toddlers were eventually caught and sentenced to house arrest until they turned 10.
However, not long after this sentencing, the rogue children escaped confinement and went missing for over five months. During this time they committed other heinous acts such as grand larceny, grand theft auto, petty theft, and most recently, armed robbery and first degree murder.
The Astonishing Details of the Robbery
The robbery happened on October 7, 2002, at the First National Bank. The First National Bank was a small bank located in the town of Redwood, Ohio. It had been in operation for more than 30 years and was a popular destination for local residents. It was renowned for its friendly customer service and its convenient location. On the morning of the robbery, the bank was bustling with customers and employees. Little did they know what was about to happen.
At around 10:56AM, a group of 2 to 3-year-old children walked into the bank. They were dressed in dark clothing and wearing ski masks. They immediately began to demand money from the customers and employees. When the customers refused to cooperate, the children began to shoot randomly. Marvin then asked, “What about all these other people?” Albert replies to him, “You’re right, there’s too many witnesses here, they all have to go.” Albert takes the weapons bag from Jerome, and kills every occupant of the bank one by one, including the teller. Within minutes, 34 people were dead and the bank was figuratively empty.
The horrifying security footage displaying the incident was shown to our journalist team here at The Burning River and were so appalled by the footage that half of the team has quit journalism altogether. The remaining staff at HQ wishes them absolutely no luck in attempting to pursue literally anything else from here.
Anyways, the toddlers accessed the vault by some miracle and managed to get away with more than $13,560,350 in cash before police reluctantly arrived to the scene, not taking the call seriously initially. The police arrived to the scene to find all 34 occupants of the main bank lobby dead from multiple gunshot wounds, stab wounds from a mechanical pencil, and one victim was covered head to toe in paper cuts. A search was immediately started for the suspects, but the search went nowhere since police assumed an adult gang had committed the crimes.
The Aftermath of The Robbery
In the days following the robbery, the town of Redwood was in a state of mourning. Funerals for the victims were held and a memorial was erected in their honor. The town also began to implement stricter security measures in an effort to prevent a similar tragedy from occurring again.
The police also launched an investigation into the robbery, and the children were arrested on January 2, 2003. They were immediately sentenced to juvenile death row in a court of law, and are the first kids from Connecticut to be sentenced to death, as well as the youngest ever to do so.
The robbery scene was so brutal that the investigators were at first hesitant to approach the scene. It was a shocking sight to see for anyone. It was a tragedy of epic proportions that left many wondering — how could a group of toddlers pull off such a daring heist?
The community of Redwood was in shock after the robbery. People were horrified by the events and had difficulty comprehending how something like this could have happened. The town was already reeling from a recent string of robberies and this latest incident seemed to be the final straw.
The mayor of Redwood released a statement expressing his condolences for the victims and their families. He promised that the town would do everything it could to ensure that this type of tragedy never happened again. The motive behind the robbery is still unclear. It is possible that the children were acting on their own accord and simply wanted to get their hands on some money.
Regardless of the motive, the robbery has raised serious questions about the safety of the town. How could such young children have access to such dangerous weapons? How could they have known to use them in such a way? These are all questions that will need to be answered in the coming days.
The impact of the bank robbery was immediate. The entire town was thrown into a state of panic and fear. People were afraid to leave their homes and some even considered relocating to a different town. The local economy suffered as businesses closed their doors and people stopped spending money. The death toll of 34 was also a heavy burden on the town.
What We Can Learn From This
There are a number of possible causes for the bank robbery. It is possible that the children were hired by a criminal organization, but this has yet to be confirmed. Some conservative officials speculate that the reason this incident occurred was due to gay marriage, video games, public schooling, pronouns, and especially immigration, suspecting that the children were from Iraq and were “born to do this terrible act like all of their people do.” The kids are confirmed to have been born in Ohio, but they insisted that the certificate is a fake, so we stopped asking their ignorant asses for comment. It is more reasonably possible that the children were influenced by the recent string of robberies on the TV show COPS and were seeking to emulate the robbers.
The bank robbery in Redwood has raised serious questions about the safety of our communities. It is clear that more needs to be done in order to protect our children from the dangers of guns and other weapons. We must also ensure that our communities are safe and secure. This tragedy serves as a reminder that we must remain vigilant in our efforts to protect our children and our communities.
Conclusion
The bank robbery in Redwood was a tragic event that left 34 innocent people dead and the town in a state of shock and disbelief. It is clear that more needs to be done to ensure the safety of our communities. We must remain vigilant in our efforts to protect our children and our communities. This tragedy serves as a reminder that we must never take our safety for granted, and protect our children.
